“As much as I would like to care, I don’t!” Unfortunately,
the quotable quote is uttered by nobody else but, you guessed it, me!
I’ve always had a problem with sympathy. Since childhood, I
have learned to be self-sufficient and to make do with what life dealt me. This
involved setting aside emotions and plodding on even when something overwhelms
me. Power on, barrel through. Being raised in a society where you always have
to choose ratio over pathos, I hate it when I get sucked in by my emotions.
This could not have been more pronounced when I took a psychological test and
the psychologist told me that I’m a cold person because I can turn my emotions
on and off at will. She looked at me with something akin to pity and advised me
to distance myself from other people who have the same personality as I do. My
reply? “I have always strived to be that person.” Warped as it may seem, I am
striving to be emotionless, or at least appear to be one. This is a continuing
struggle because until now, I still believe that is good to be emotionless.
1 Peter 3:8 tells us that we should have sympathy. I just
realized that I don’t have it. Being dealt with a shorter stick and having to
make do with it has developed a sense of uncaring in me. I detest underachievers,
whiners, pessimists and those who do not push themselves hard enough for my
taste. Also, emotions tend to clam me up so I have this habit of exiting the
situation so that I won’t have to deal with it. I have organized my life in
nice, little compartments and emotions tend to jumble it all up. That’s why at the first sight of emotions’ head, “I’m outta here!”
Lord, I pray for sympathy. I need it so much. I need a heart
that cares not because I’m expected to but because I can’t help but care. You
are love personified and how can I follow you if I don’t even have a caring
heart?
Ryan, no one wants to know what you know unless you care.
You should seek to understand more than you seek to be understood. Sympathize!
Give your heart to Jesus because you know that by itself, it’s broken. Let
Jesus break it into pieces like the boy’s lunch of fish and bread that was able
to feed a multitude. Pray that God will break it enough that it won’t matter if
it becomes whole again.
Ryan, maybe, just maybe, you need a caring, understanding
heart more than you need a rational, emotionless mind.
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