Joel 2:28

To an idealist, “What Robin Hood did was not right because he stole from rich people.” To a pragmatic, “What Robin did was right because he gave the stolen goods away to the needy.” To a realist, “Did you see him steal?” With this in mind, I’m an idealistic, pragmatic realist. I believe that the means taken to perform an objective should ideally be by-the-book but if the objective is achieved by thinking out-of-the-box, the end justifies the means because what I can sense is what’s real for me. See, I’m a little bit of Jack Bauer.

For short, I’m a cynic.

If you’re a skeptic, do not proceed beyond this portion.

I attended a church revival for two nights this week. It’s been a long time since I’ve attended one. Before attending, I’ve been told that attendees of previous revivals saw gold dust and other golden stuff in their visions during the event. Some even testified of encounters with angels. Please refer to second paragraph.

I am very happy to inform you that I did not see any glittery stuff or a shadow of an angel during the revival. Nothing, nada, wala, awan! Not a sequin nor a chicken feather.

But did I experience something? I can actually imagine the idealistic, pragmatic, realistic part of me staring down the part of me which believes that the truth shall set me free. As much as I would like to say that the latter part shut its mouth up, it’s the former that’s stomping off into the distance. Well, so much for 24.

If you’re a skeptic, you should not have reached this part in the first place. Again, do not continue!

On my first night, we were told to hold hands during the altar call. I had a guy on my right side but my left arm was free. As we were worshipping, I felt some kind of cloth passing through my free hand and for some reason, I knew that I just had to grab hold of it. As I was holding on to it, somebody ministered to me.

I’ve already had a couple of awesome “slain” experiences in the past. I can still remember a time when a prophet merely waved his hand and several people literally flew over and stayed down while uttering incomprehensible words. When the prophet did the same to our part of the auditorium, I was very surprised when I got “slain” as well. My mind was telling me to rise up because- well- it felt stupid, but I really can’t. It was the first time I accepted that the phenomenon is real because I experienced it. Another time was when a pastor laid his hands on me and I felt something on my shoulders, pushing me down to a kneeling position. As the floor then was carpeted, I would have preferred to lie down instead but lying down just didn’t feel right. Being on my knees, contorted in a fetal pose, was the only comfortable position that I can do and so I did while crying uncontrollably during the process. More often than not after that experience, I’ve been led by the Spirit to the same position every time there’s a corporate invocation of the Holy Spirit instead of being “slain” as most people are. But my experience pales in comparison with what my sister experienced. When several pastors were ministering to her, it was the pastors who got slain. Grabe!

Anyways, back to my first night of this week’s revival. Since I have to tell the truth here, the minister pushed me! I mean, I’ve heard of several ministers doing that to create the “illusion” or “suggestion” of being slain by the Holy Spirit but it was the first time its been done to me. Remember that I was still holding on to the “cloth” with my left hand so I didn’t fall down. The minister continued to push me- forcefully, I might add- while the person to my right already keeled over. Imagine this- someone pushing you and another pulling you down. For a split second, I decided to just let go of the hand of the person to my right and thankfully, the minister stopped pushing. Why was I still standing up you ask? Because of the pull of the “cloth” on my left hand. My hand was straining to hold on to that intangible, yet very palpable, cloth. With eyes closed, I can sense that the cloth was very satin-y and shimmery and I had to hold it with all my might because I was afraid that it might slide out of my hand. I decided to sit down, face the direction of the pull and hold on to the cloth with my right hand as well. I remember thinking that whoever, or whatever, was pulling the cloth just had to take me with it.

The revival for that night concluded and I stood up, praying to the Lord to reveal to me what THAT meant. As with most things that are happening to me nowadays, the matter formed a big part of my evening and morning devotional.

CONTINUATION

I’ve written about the first night I attended a church’s revival this week. I ended the reflection by saying that I’m still waiting for confirmation and an explanation.

Well, confirmed and explained!

I went back the following night, hungry for more. I figured that if I want an extraordinary experience, I had to leave my skepticism at home. So with an open heart, open mind, and open soul, I went back to church.

I have to tell you that, man, being “open” made me weak! I don’t really know how but during the altar call, my knees were buckling and I just felt…empty. The knee-buckling may also have come from the fact that the man I was holding in my left hand was shaking like a leaf! When he was “slain”, I let go of his hand immediately, not wanting to fall down because of him. When the minister laid his hand on me, lo and behold, I fell down as well. Lest I be accused of being a wimp, I fell sitting down on the floor and not on my back. Did the minister push me this time you ask? I honestly can’t remember if he did. I just knew that I felt so weak that a gust of wind could have done me in. (Aside: There really was a gust of wind that blew over the church. If it was a mere coincidence or a manifestation of the Holy Spirit, the jury’s still out.)

Anyways, I was conscious during the entire process. I knew that I was speaking in tongues and the person to my right did not let go of my right hand. He did not fell down. (Good for him!) I was praying and asking God to show me something, anything! I didn’t care if it was gold, angels, gems- just anything! But more than going for the gold, I was going for God; I didn’t care about the angels because I was going after their Boss!

You have to remember that I was too weak during the entire thing. I can feel my right hand getting heavy every second. My mind was sorta hoping that the man to my right to just let go of my hand because, hey, holding hands with a dude? Weird! But I simply didn’t have the strength to pry my fingers off. My hand felt heavier and heavier every second for how many minutes, I honestly can’t tell you. As my hand got heavier, my body got weaker and my feelings got more uncomfortable, BAM! I heard God speak. (I’m actually crying right now.) “Because you did not let go of Me when you were strong, I will never let you go when you are weak.”

True enough, the man holding my right hand, whoever it was, did not let go of me. When I finally had the strength to open my eyes, I stood up, let go of the man’s hand and found a chair to sit on. I mulled things over and thought of sharing what God revealed to me when sharing time came. I finally decided not to share through the mic but through my pen (or this keyboard for that matter).

I am not writing this to convince skeptics to believe. In fact, I encourage skepticism. If it’s not yet obvious, I’m a skeptic myself. God made me this way! I ask everything about everything because I know that it’s the only way I can effectively learn. I can never retain any information if I don’t understand it. That’s why me and math don’t get along. This is the primary reason why I always ask God to confirm everything via the tangible, the logical, by things I know are real. It never ceases to amaze me that God has not yet failed to answer this prayer. I mean, who in the world am I that He, the Omniscient, Omnipresent Creator, deems significant enough to confirm everything He reveals to me? Maybe because He personally made me, He knows how my mind keeps asking questions (Psalm 139: 13-16), thus, He also knows how my mind should be answered.

God has already shown me what the “cloth” meant but I’m still asking how it applies to me personally. But as with everything that God has revealed to me lately, I don’t know if I can still honestly believe that He will not answer me.

I can’t wait to write my reflections about THAT devotional.

If I chugged down a bottle of ice-cold water during a hot, summer day, another person can see that I am refreshed. That other person has no right to laugh at me and my bottle of water because he did not experience my refreshment. My experience, my bottle of water, is what’s real to me and his thirst and envy or disbelief is what’s real to him. If he wants to be refreshed, he should go chug his own water instead of judging the reality of my experience. Capisce?

If you’re asking what the title meant, read your bible!